New Life...

"Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head...."

a quote eloquently crooned by Mr. Morrissey himself
during his Smiths days....

and something I felt so related to at some point.

"I Know It's Over" by the Smiths is still one of my favorite songs of all time, because it speaks to me, as so many songs do, and at the same time, as so many don't.

This is my official self proclaimed, new start. I've separated myself from the past, and am focusing on the new. I now live in whittier, i work at Wal-Mart (Don't cry for me)
Yes, I am part of the corporate machine, I once advocated my disdain with. Oh well, money is getting made, right? I'm on ther verge of getting fired anyways. I've made some enemies among the higher-ups.

Anyways, I know I havent always been there for most of my friends, and most of my family, but I am here now, and the isolation in my big garage, has helped me overcome some demons. I have my cousin Chris on my side helping me with that. He's only 16 but I've matured him into someone I can identify with. I am single again as well. I was dating a girl for years that literally warped my being into something I didn't understand, and something I couldn't love because it wasn't perfect. She betrayed me and left me. Strange thing is....I'm happy. I actually am happy. I feel like the old Johnny-Ray, the one that lived without that dark tapeworm telling me how to be perfect. All I want now, are my friends, my family, my music, and my Evil Dead trilogy to keep me up at night, (I love you Sam Raimi, haha)

Well good people, I must end this entry before I tire out my own fingers...

peace, love and understading
Costello sings me to sleep


-Johnny-Ray

when you get a chance, listen to "Wet Sand" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
the song changed my life
not more than "Stumbleine" by the Smashing Pumpkins but it has done more than i imagined it could have.